Today, in my community, a boy just ten days away from his 4th birthday lost his life in a tragic car accident as his mother drove him and his sisters to school. The accident was not the mother's fault, but the boy was not wearing a seatbelt and was ejected; all attempts (and there were many attempts) to save his life were unsuccessful. The other four (?) passengers had only minor injuries.
The knee-jerk reaction is to be mad at this mother. Why wasn't her almost-four-year-old not wearing his seatbelt? There's no excuse. But. BUT. We don't know the whole story... kids are capable of unlatching themselves. I, myself have accidentally forgotten to buckle a child and had a mini-heart attack upon arriving somewhere (safely, thank god) only to see I had not buckled someone in, etc.
But this is not the story. The fact remains that a mother lost her child today and no matter how it happened or who was at fault or what could have, should have, would have been, how unfortunate and sad.
I couldn't stop thinking about this little boy, almost four, who essentially could be any one of mine. There are times when my kids say they've buckled themselves in and haven't (thinking it was funny) or complain about tightening the belts to my satisfaction (yet we are super strict about seatbelts and double-check them even when they say they've done it right).
When I picked my kids up from school today, I decided to tell them about the accident. My boys are young - only 6, 5 and 3 - but I felt like if nothing else, something can be learned from this. I kept the details very simple, explaining that on the way to school today a little boy died in a car accident because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. "This," I explained, "is why it's important that you ALWAYS wear your seatbelt and that it's ALWAYS on tight."
They had their questions. More than I was comfortable with or expected, to be honest. Depending on which son and his age, he wanted more detail. "How did he die?" and "Well, why didn't he just run when he fell out of the car?" they asked. And then the question that struck me the hardest: "Did his mommy stay?" I didn't understand what he was asking at first, so I asked, "Stay where? What do you mean?" And my son said, "Did his mommy stay with him where he was dead?"
Some will disagree with my tactic of telling my kids about this horrific accident in the name of teaching them a lesson. And while I never imagined I'd have to answer such detailed questions from them, my policy is to always be honest with them (without trying to give unnecessary detail) especially if they can learn something from it.
"You know what?" I said, "The mommy had to go to the hospital too because she was hurt also, so no, she didn't stay there. And that boy's mommy is very, very sad now. This is why you ALWAYS wear your seatbelt, because I don't ever want to be sad like that."
What or would you have told your kids?
